Change. Everyone feels it. Everyone reacts to it in different ways. They say that change is constant. Then how do we not lose ourselves in that change? How can we constantly keep changing according to the circumstances? Are we allowed to just be ourselves for a minutes? Take a deep breath and just remember who we are?
Let me tell you, it is exhausting. When all that seems to happen is the time you take to adjust to the change and the effort you put to not lose yourself it just seems pointless, a wasted attempt.
For example, after years of schooling, you join a professional course. The view there is very different. People from different places, with different thought processes, different cultures and very different ideas. It’s overwhelming. Hundreds of students, all wanting more or less the same goal: Success.
But, we tell ourselves that we can’t all be that good. Thus starts the rat race. Suddenly, everything feels like a competition. A competition to see who is better, a competition to see who knows more. While some people can always take it in their stride (or at least seem to), others might not be able to handle it.
We all fail at something. We can’t be good at everything right? That is our thought process. Now, there are 2 options from here. You either move forward or move downward.
Consider the second option: moving downward. And when I say downward, I mean an endless spiral of negativity. A black hole, more like it. It feeds on you until there’s nothing left or at least you convince yourself that there is nothing left. You try without really any conviction of trying to rise above it, to conquer your fears. But as I’ve mentioned it is a spiral. If you try and you still “fail” you know for sure that your worst fears have been confirmed. You really aren’t good enough and there is nothing you can do to change that. So you try to be like someone else. You think that by doing what they are doing and imitating their styles you can’t possibly go wrong can you? I mean it seems to work out pretty well for them. So you try and when you “fail” again (notice how I said when and not if), you draw your final conclusion: You will always be a “failure”.
This is where you are very wrong. Very wrong. You cannot possibly imitate someone else and expect to be good at it. Only they can be good at being them. So what are you good at, you ask? The answer is so simple. Look around you, you see different people.
The key is acceptance. When you accept that you cannot be somebody else and can only be good at being yourself, you suddenly see a whole different light. When you stop comparing and start getting inspired. You have to realize, that you never really failed. You just thought that you did. You are a true failure only when you stop trying. So stop trying to be someone you are not, as clearly, you will always remain to be a failure at that. Start being yourself. When you do that, everything changes (and this time in a good way). Small improvements at a time, but improvements nevertheless.
Accept that you cannot do everything on your own. Accept that you need help. Accept that you need people and these people can be your friends. When you “fail” instead of choosing the down road, ask for help. Help will always be given to those who ask for it. And similarly when they may need something, you help them. Even they can’t do everything own their own. So ask for help when it is needed and help when you are asked to.
Accept that you have enough good. You don’t have to be “good enough” because that is just a relative term. Use this never being good enough notion to your benefit. Keep improving. Try to be better than what you are. Keep pushing yourself (not too much though). Eventually you will see that you have become much better than what you started out with.
When you start being yourself, you see how much easier it gets. It becomes effortless because you don’t need effort to be yourself. Now, you have found something that you are good at: being yourself.
Some things don’t have to change, they just need a little tweaking.
The irony of it all is that you deal with change by not entirely changing. It’s the situation that is changing, you just have to go with the flow. Just be yourself, and make those little tweaks based on the change.
Stop reacting to the change, because by the time you spent on reacting to this change, a new one would have come.
The only thing that is constant is change. So just go with it.